The Day Has Arrived
Today is our transfer day. I’ve just been to the acupuncturist for my pre-transfer pincushioning and will return after the transfer for post-transfer pincushioning. I’ve been trying like heck to clear my mind and de-stress before the procedure. The past few days have been hard as I have been thinking a lot about mom and getting very sad. I just miss her so much. Dr. Zhang put the needle into the top of my head to “calm the mind.” I do feel a little less frantic, but the control freak in me just wants to make this process work. Unfortunately it is out of my hands, at this point. I have to, as they say in the program, let go and let God. And this is one of the most difficult things ever for me to do. But I’ll pray to God, to Mom and to my other ancestors for help. Last night I received the letter from my donor C where she discusses what her experience as a donor was like. Immediately after I read her words, I KNEW that she was exactly the right donor…and that all the stuff we had dealt with with our previous donors was to get us ultimately to her. Sometimes there is a plan. Here are her words:
“What would we become if we lived a life of ignorance to the needs of those around us …
What would we become if we let go of what has been placed in our control…
What would we be if we behaved unlike women, and turned a blind eye to the feelings, needs and emotions of those that desired to be parents but could not? …
What would you be and what would I be?
That is the question that I asked myself during the whole procedure because making another woman’s dream of becoming a parent come true, is more fulfilling than all the riches in the world. It has been an amazing experience for me, and one that I will live to tell because there is nothing like it.
My story as a donor is one of a personal journey in the sense that it was so subjective and one of those things in life I believe you cannot do without a genuine desire to be that candle that lights another. It is not a process of mere transference of eggs from one woman’s body to another but is much more than that. Throughout the whole process I created a visual image of the mother-to-be on the day she gives birth…tears or joy, and not of sadness, run down her cheeks; and in her arms lay a baby, or twins or triplets. Often times when I was questioned about why I was doing it, I would say if I was in the same situation, trust me, I would want someone to do the same for me. I remember when I signed up I was told that I had to be 21yrs and above, at that time it meant I was under age. It irritated me and I remember when I turned 21yrs I made it a point to remind Robin that I was of age, but I still had to wait until I was picked out by a couple.
No doubt it’s not a ride in the park, it’s a difficult process especially the meds. Never did I imagine injecting myself, trust me never, and when I got the meds I had to remind myself why I had decided to carry through with this. I had my friends questioning my sanity and reasoning. I remember on the first day of the meds I called all my friends to come to my place for moral support. Worst mistake of my life: they were all so scared. Whilst they were still discussing who would give me the first injection I quietly did if myself and discovered it was not as terrible as I had imagined –the trick was not to think too hard about it. Each day went by and I was taking my meds religiously as instructed by the doctor. All went well and it turned out I was very fertile because it appeared I had over ten eggs. During the last days of the meds I was anxious and static and my fiancé was very edgy about the whole process- especially as I had been telling him about the meds over the phone, but seeing me injecting myself was a different experience for him altogether and I was questioned about our chances or having our own children in the future. Trust a man to think that way. The classic part of it all was the actual number of eggs I had in me- 31 eggs, ‘the miracle donor’ Robin called me. I remember when I left the theatre all I did was show signs of consciousness to the nurses that were taking me back to the ward, and they started screaming how I had set a new record. This was me in a semi-conscious mode everything seeming a bit blurry at that moment and they insisted on telling how much of fertile lady I was and a miracle. Later on I was told of the thirty eggs in me, talk about shock! First thing I did was call my mother to let her know, she thought I was still under the influence of the sedative hence she brushed it off. When I woke up I told myself it was done I felt a sense of joy and tranquility- I had accomplished one thing in life I promised myself I would do-awesome. Back to reality I was in a lot of pain, at some point I actually asked the nurse if I had gone on my periods during the procedure cause of the pain I was feeling and the pad I had on.
As I was leaving the ward I passed by the doctor and what do I get a lovely gift from the parents- at that point I was not bothered that much because the pain was terrible but when I got home and read the card I was in tears. I had helped make a difference in another person’s life. I opened my heart and you can see how that made me feel. Its amazing; egg donation has taught me that strangers can become friends yet they remain strangers. The parents that will receive the eggs I donated will be friends that I have, yet will never meet; we connected in an unusual way. From different parts of the world we both had different needs. For them the need to become parents and for me the need to give my life a new meaning through giving– a true sense of contentment, one I will never forget. Egg donation reflects the language of love, a language full of possibilities and one understood only by the heart, spoken by those that choose to tap into the realm where the impossible becomes the possible. I realize how unique we are as women; we have such huge hearts it’s amazing. We are all fragile threads, but what a tapestry we make. In conclusion to this I will leave with every donor-to-be, current donors, and anybody reading this that We are all angels with one wing. The only way we can fly is to hold onto each other, so if you have trouble flying I will share mine with you anytimeâ€
Wish us luck….
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