Weekend Whine
This was a bad week. Most of it involved work, but unfortunately I’m not allowed to talk about that here. I’ll be reported to the powers-that-be in the Mothership. Sigh… Let’s just say that it’s hard when you keeping telling upper management something and they just refuse to listen. Hopefully that little snippet won’t get me in trouble.
This weekend, I’m also sick to death of AdoringHusband’s pitiful attempts at a job search. Most of his searching involves applying to a few jobs online, never getting a call back, then his looking victimized and pathetic. This has gone on for almost a year, and I’m tired. It always seems to fall to me to say, “did you contact XYZ from Company A?” to which he replies, “no, I forgot.”
Then when he gets really pitiable, he goes to “I’m not employable.” Oh bring out the violins! The man has a BA from Columbia and and MBA from Wharton. He’s worked at several of the top investment banking companies in the country. If he’s not employable, then who the freak is? Sigh…
So this week I broke down and decided to pay for a job coach so that I can relinquish my role as de facto coach. And where does that stand this lovely weekend? Well nowhere since they haven’t made contact. Seems he’s never been available when she calls. I’m thinking to myself, how the hell can you not be available when you are looking for a job? And all he does is give me the pitiful look, that he has perfected to a science.
I know that you might think me uncharitable, but I’ve been dealing with the AdoringHusband job search in one form or another for almost the entire length of our 4 year marriage. It is getting very old. Hopefully the job coach will help him figure out what he’s doing wrong or not doing enough of (networking, anyone?). But I need to cross that off my list. He’s an intelligent, extremely sharp, capable man, but this prolonged unemployment is turning him into a whiney 4 year old. Sigh…
What else do I need to whine about? Well how about the adoption? This is only a minor whine. This week our Dear Birthmother letter was approved, however, there was that little issue of making it look “visually appealing.” Since my scrapbooking skills were decimated by my perfectionism, I thought of doing waht my social worker suggested: using Kinkos to typeset the pages.
I call the local FedExKinkos from work asking about typesetting. “I need to get my adoption profile typeset. Do I need to come in at a particular time to meet with the person who would do this?”
“No, just come in anytime and we’ll take care of it,” I was told by the voice on the phone.
I then arrive about 7 PM after work. Some late adolescent boy with two earrings that look like white thumbtacks finally offers to help me. I explain about the typesetting and offer him my thumb drive to look at the files. He then asks what kind of paper I want it printed on. Of course, I haven’t a clue. That was the whole point of having it typeset right? So they will figure out how to make it pretty. I tried explaining to earring-boy that I haven’t a clue how to set up the letter properly and prettily, that’s why I want the typesetting. Then he’s all, “well if you have it typeset it’ll cost $90/hr with a minimum of 1 hour.” He seems to be missing the point that I don’t care what it costs if someone would just take away the burden of making it look pretty. I’m paralyzed at the thought.
Finally it dawns on me to ask, “So are you the person who does the typesetting?” It seemed to me that the person who does the typesetting would actually be offering me suggestions about how things should look, and earring-boy hadn’t offered even one little thought.
He replies, “No, the manager does the typesetting.”
“Well may I speak to the manager?”
“He’s not here. He works from 7 AM to 3 PM.”
“Well, why the hell did you tell me to come in anytime, when the manager is only here at certain hours?!”
In reply I received a very blank look. I turned and left, cursing the fates under my breath.
When I got home, I decided to post on the adoption listserver I belong to questions about using Kinkos for the profile design. What I received in reply were a bunch of typically female, passive agressive comments essentially telling me how very gauche it would be to use Kinkos since creating the profile page by hand with one’s husband is a “labor of love.” One person went so far as to suggest that using Kinkos for the design would remove all sense of their identity from the profile itself. And I’m thinking to myself, someone must be on crack. If the profile consists of the Dear Birthmother letter written by husband and myself, and the photo collage consisting of pictures of the two of us, how the hell can the arrangement of said items on a page remove our identity from the profile? Clearly I was not going to get assistance from this source.
I then decided to check the web for adoption profile design links, just in case the Kinko’s manager was a clueless as earring-boy. Guess what I found? The lovely Joanna of Our Chosen Child. I sent her an e-mail Thursday morning, and within a few hours she had replied. A flurry of e-mails later, I felt like we were old buddies. And she, an adoptive mother herself (and an adoptive breastfeeder) agreed to help me create a jazzy, snazzy 2 page profile so that we can finally make it to the books. I can’t wait to see what she comes up with.
Joanna also told me about Nancy at Adopt-Now. She was looking for African American or biracial birthparents for an expectant mother of a biracial child. I was like, cool, I’ll check it out. The situation sounded good, though the mother was not due until August. (I can’t imagine such a wait). I still e-mailed my information and got a call back from Nancy later that day.
Now I get to show my adoption ignorance. My goal was to see if the expectant mother was in a state where our agency was located. What I didn’t realize was that Nancy (who is a lovely woman) was something called an adoption facilitator. I’ve not seen that term before. Yet what I learned was that I would have to pay anywhere from $9000 to $18,000 for this facilitation, in addition to what we’ve already paid our agency and the placement fees.
I immediately backtracked to AdoringHusband to discuss. I think I have mentioned AdoringHusband’s cheapness before. So you can probably imagine his reaction when I mentioned the facilitator’s fees. He was sputtering! “Finder’s fees are usually 10%. I can see $2000 but not $9000 (which happens to be our placement fee) and $18,000 is out of the question!” I eventually calmed him down. I think we’ll just take our chances without a facilitator. But if you are in the market for one, Nancy seems really great.
Did anything good happen this week? Hmmm…..
I finished both of my baby blankets. This one for my baby:
And this quick one for my nephew Erik: 
I also started the baby kimono:
and ordered the yarn for the baby bunting in pale yellow with celadon trim:
I also got a good price on the crib/dresser/changing pad combination from Baby Box. (Katherine there was so helpful!) Everything is ordered and should be here in 2-3 weeks. I’m still waiting for the Orbit which is on backorder still. Sigh…
I guess the only other fun/good thing is that I’ve started a digital scrapbooking course at Digital Scrapbooking University. I think I’ve got the collage thing down:
I’m onto templates this week.
So that’s about it for my whining. Now I’ve got to go out and buy some bras that actually fit my ginormous ta-tas. On Monday I’m off to lovely Kansas City. Loads of fun.
Everyone stay warm.
[tags]adoption, knitting, ramblings, scrapbooking, baby[/tags]
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Everything looks gorgeous!!!
I’m going to strongly recommend you NOT use a facilitator. They aren’t legal in every state (they aren’t legal here in Ohio) and there are some ethical concerns with them (not all facilitators are ethically challenged but enough are that there’s a bad cloud around them). Even “matching” this early (with a woman not due ’til August) isn’t reasonable — most ethical agencies will recommend the woman wait until she is showing/feeling the baby move before she starts the practical part of creating an adoption plan. Earlier than that is asking too much of her AND to potential adoptive parents who will then be out of the pool while they are “matched.” (Usually when you match with someone you step out of the pool because it has happened where a couple working with a number of agencies/professionals will match with more than one mother and then adopt the baby and then either leave the other mother confronting the possibility of her child being artificially twinned should she place or of not having a family at all.)
Frankly, being an African American woman is putting you at the top of the list and you will very likely be placed QUICKLY. I can’t remember how long Karen of Chookooloonks waited (they were looking specifically for a child of mixed descent, too — I’m not sure if you’ve got any similar stipulations?) but it was short short short. A black woman making an adoption plan is going to be THRILLED to see some color in the profiles. At least that’s what I hear from adoption professionals. You don’t need to pay the extra cost of a facilitator.
Dawn,
Thanks for the education on facilitators. It helps. And I was totally uncomfortable with the idea of someone so early in her pregnancy making a birth plan. I could imagine her changing her mind very easily.
And yes, I’ve been told a good bit that we will hopefully not have to wait long considering our situation. So we will stick with our agency and their 15 offices and keep hope alive.
Thanks for the advice!
I can totally sympathize with your husband woes, my husband quit his job when we got married (we lived in separate cities) and was unemployed for nearly two years. One day I arrived home from work to find him lounging in a lawn chair, drinking a beer, and reading a book and it took all my self control not to “bump” him with the car.
Hang in there, we dealt with infertiiity, miscarriage, and unemployment too in the early days of our marriage and it certainly sucks but eventually things get better.
Thanks Suzanne. I really hope this job coach is the assistance he needs.
You make me wish that I could knit!
Too bad you don’t live closer! I can have anyone knitting in 15 minutes.
I was going to come here and give you the anti-facilitator speech but Dawn beat me to it. There’s ONE here who’s fabulous and does tons of work nationally but she is the exception. She has an extensive reading list she requires adoptive parents to read and does intensive counseling with potential parents looking to place, often helping them parent if that’s what they want to do. She does charge a lot but it’s a very intensive service. Our agency says she’s the only one in the country they like to work with. She’s the exception by far.
You guys aren’t going to need a facilitator. Once your profile is in the book you’ll be matched very quickly.
Walk away from that listserv group. Those women sound crazy. Totally crazy. Joanna, otoh, sounds completely fabulous and I’m glad you found her. I might need her services as well.
Yay for the furniture ordering. It can take a while for ML. I’m amazed they quoted you 2-3 weeks. That’s awesome. What about bedding??????
If you get tired of your orbit wait call Melissa at Let’s Go Strolling. They have no tax and free shipping. She’ll remember me and Bebe. She’s in tight with the founders and is incredibly helpful.
Looooove the digital scrapbooking stuff you’re going. I think before long you’ll quit the medical field entirely to become a SAHM and scrapbook consultant.
So much goodness in one post!
Clearly you want my dear mother to resurrect herself from the afterlife, assume corporeal form and beat my natural black ass!
And thanks for the Let’s Go Strolling recommendation. I’ve held out because I received 10% off and free shipping from Baby Universe, but if they don’t get it in stock soon, I’ll have to regroup.
Girl seriously you just knit well. I’m jealous and I can’t knit and have no pull towards knitting. That being said, you have a great talent. One of many obviously.
-Candy
Yeah… what Dawn said… Now get that profile done so you can become a mommy already!
[...] is another long and sordid story entirely involving Kinkos, screwed up borders, misinformation from EarringBoy, and a lack of computer cooperation. I don’t want to bore you with it. The good news is that [...]