Comments on: What’s In A Name?

By: Stephanie S.

Stephanie S. — Wed, 09 May 2007 18:02:17 +0000

I need help!I am a recovering meth-addict who by the grace of God got sober 1 month before i gave birth to my daughter, Nevaeh Emmanuelle, born healthy, and tested negative for meth. I was in an abortion clinic at 21 weeks, but i asked to see the ultrasound, and i couldn’t go through with it. i tried to get sober but couldn’t for very long. I prayed and i called her by name while inside my womb. i ended up in jail, and child protection stepped in. Upon release from jail, with 34 days sober, and my drug dealer’s # in my hand, God worked another miracle, He said to me”You have a choice now, for i have removed Satan’s power over you.”, so i called my mom for help. I gave birth the next day, and the sheriff’s came to tell me she was under a C.H.I.P.S. order. I asked my sister and her husband to be emergency foster care, while i went to Hazelden for 3 months inpatient treatment. They agreed. Child Protection was going to give her back to me after i did everything they asked. I have done everything, and gotten a job, and am sober now 9 months. I know that Nevaeh has so much love with my sister, her husband, and their 4 girls! I have decided to have them adopt her permanently. She has bonded with them now since they brought her home from the hospital, she’s 8 months old now. I love her so much,for i believe she was God’s plan to save my life. It would cause more harm if i were to take her out of the loving family she has. But here is where i need help, my sister for whatever her reasons, wants to change my daughter’s first and middle name. This hurts me so deeply, for it has profound meaning for me, i called her by her name the day i walked out of the abortion clinic. She responds to her name, it’s the one thing i gave to her, God gave her life, not i. My sister knows how i feel, even our mother has tried to get her to understand. Please if anyone has input or information on possible psychological damage, or affects of what changing my daughter’s name could do to her, or how you feel about it, please email me so i can forward it to my sister in hopes that she will change her mind. Thank you and God Bless, Stephanie S. Email:livingdeadgirl.8@hotmail.com

By: Lisa V

Lisa V — Tue, 01 May 2007 03:49:53 +0000

We changed our daughter’s name. I wrote a post about it, and her first mom even commented on it.

We kept my son’s first name (it had been on our list) and changed his middle name.

My daughter knows her birth name. She is 15, and doesn’t relate to it in any way. I would love it if she used it for one of her children, but that will be up to her.

By: Michell

Michell — Sat, 28 Apr 2007 00:20:41 +0000

Hi, stumbled on your blog from Stirrup Queens blog and felt a need to post to this comment although at this late date, I’m not sure if you will notice. Speaking from the perspective of someone who is adopted although I know that not everyone feels the same way as me, I have no problem with the fact that my adoptive parents changed my name. I’m actually very glad as I just can’t see myself as a Doreen but Michell is workable (even if it usually gets spelled wrong). I was adopted as an infant (6 weeks I think?) and have no memory of my name other than my adoptive mom telling me what it was.

By: Melissa in TN

Melissa in TN — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 23:32:55 +0000

You and your husband will be the ones to feed, clothe, nurture, support, teach and everything else for her. I think you should be able to name her what you want. It is so very nice of you to consider what Josie wants too.

I am very happy for you!!! Congratulations!!!!

By: Yolanda

Yolanda — Fri, 20 Apr 2007 03:57:34 +0000

You definitely have every right to name your daughter as you see fit. I’m really surprised at all of the debate, but its very interesting to learn new controversies.

By: Patti

Patti — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 17:34:52 +0000

I agree with some of the posters above that some of this “controversy” seems a bit contrived and melodramatic. If the name works for you, adoring and Josie… consider yourself blessed! We can’t predict our our children will feel when they get older. Absent a crystal ball, we have to make the best decisions we can and move on. Some of these “It’s Bad To Do This” posts cause endless second-guessing, which I don’t think is in the best interest of the child.

We picked out a name Celia Beth, and our firstmom didn’t like the name but she said it was our choice and put it on the birth certificate and all other documents. She favored the name “Precious,” which I plan to share with Celia when she gets older. If she wants to take this name, she is free to do so. I find myself calling her that as a nickname all the time.

Adoption is so complex, why do “advocates” insist on creating drama where there is none?

By: beagle

beagle — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 22:04:05 +0000

Another tricky topic!

I think the age of the child makes a difference. I think if I was adopting internationally I wold want to honor the child’s first culture by keeping teh birth name as a middle name at least. I have friends from other cultures (not adopted) who took on an Amewrican name because the culural name was an issue, so I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong in adoption either.

In our case, like you, we are hoping to adopt a domestic newborn, so for me it will depend on the relationship/situaltion with the birthmom.
I would feel good about using her choice as a middle name and I also feel as the day to day parents we should have a say in the day to day name.

By: chicagomama

chicagomama — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 20:24:55 +0000

I think the naming issue is one where there is not *one* right answer. Especially since there are so many different types of adoptions, and the naming isues do change from one type to another.
It sounds like you, AH and Josie have reached a decision that you all feel comfortable with. And getting to comfort in your own situation is obviously the most important thing for each of us facing this issue.
Now, on the other hand – our daughter came home to us at 1 year. She already knew her name, responded to her name. For us, it seemed like the best choice to keep her name. We didn’t have to deal with any “unusual” name issues – her full name is basically the equivalent to Jane Smith in China (where she is from) and her ‘personal’ name is one that is fairly common both in China and in the US. We chose to keep her full Chinese name as her first name (which does make it somewhat uncommon) but we use personal name much more often than the full one. Sort of like calling a “Yekaterina”, Kate.
But, as Dawn said – most of the other people within the adoption community that I know do choose a new/different name for their children. And it really comes down to feeling good about whatever choice one comes to, and realizing that our children are going to feel however they choose when they are old enough to have an opinion. And none of us know how our child will feel until then.
Good luck with your adoption plans – I hope Josie has a safe delivery and the baby is healthy (I know she will be beautiful – all babies are).

By: Julie

Julie — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 20:23:00 +0000

Well said my friend! As you know, we did change Dylan’s name and it did cause me some heartache at first. We used one of his given names as a middle name and I hope that his first mother would approve.

~side story~ The name you know me as is not the name I was born with (got your attention huh?). When my real Mom adopted me I was desperate to seperate myself from the past and my pain. As part of a healing ritual my parents and I came up with – I renamed myself. Not a huge difference (I’ll share my birth names with you when I see you again) but enough to make my 19 year old self feel safe.

By: teendoc

teendoc — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 19:17:24 +0000

Seems like in cyberspace agreeing to disagree and still coming away with mutual respect is a lost art. (See Kim’s attacks at ARP.) I’m glad we are cool like that.

And I fixed my little error that led to the leaking of our name! You stay quiet now!