Oh The Tears…
Mine, not Zara’s.
The past 24 hours have seen a lot of tears sprout from my eyes. (Wait, can tears sprout?) I spent most of Sunday holding the Little Girl, knowing that would be my last day with her before going back to work full time. There were so many things that needed to be done in the house, but I spent the day on the couch, Zara-in-my-arms, watching the fabulous Rebecca and the ridiculous Phat Girlz on cable. I only relinquished her when AdoringHusband came home from work.
Later that night, now that our infant monitor had arrived, we decided to move Zizi from the bassinet in our room to her crib. She looked so tiny lying swaddled on her mattress, that I started bawling like nobody’s business. AdoringHusband tried to convince me that this was a natural progression for our little miracle, but all I felt was that time was moving too fast and she was going to grow up before we blinked again. There was a palpable sense of loss, like babyhood was over. Yeah, I know…I’m quite the drama queen, but my heart was breaking for my little peapod.
Then this morning, it was time for day care and work. I refused to emerge from the bed. AdoringHusband, being ever-so-helpful, got her cleaned and dressed in her onesie, but I swear all I wanted to do was to grab her, head under the covers and stay there for a long, long time. But I didn’t. After much ado, we headed out the door to her school. And walking in, I was really no good.
The place was lovely, just as it was when I toured last month. The new director, a sista, welcomed me warmly. The education director, whose 10 week old was also in the infant room with Zara, greeted me kindly as well. But when I put her clothes into her cubby (Zizi has a cubby!) and settled her in with the other children, I started to lose it. Zizi, of course, was oblivious, but the teachers and aides gave me “tut-tuts,” “awws,” “we understands,” and “she’ll be fines.” They told me to call if I needed to. I drove away knowing she’d be fine, but missing her like crazy. And I cried like a baby…well one of the other babies since my baby didn’t cry at all.
I don’t know exactly what I managed to accomplish work-wise today. I missed a meeting (whoops…I was still crying after leaving Zara), did some unpacking, edited a paper and generally watched the clock until time to get my girl. At least, the tears stopped, I didn’t call, and I have recovered from the feeling that my little baby would have morphed into a teenager over the past 6 hours. I’m off to claim my girl now. I’ve made it through the first day.
(Also, I promise that my next post will be about something other than Zara. I’ve become quite the one trick pony of late. I’ll work on changing that soon.)
Facebook
Flickr
GoodReads
Twitter
Hang in there! It’ll get easier!!!
Heartwrenching, hard, but you made it.
Deep breath.
it’s just…Tough.
-candy
Oh my goodness time flies so fast, seems like she was just born. Don’t worry, it does get easier.
Oh sweetie I’m sure it’s unbelievably hard but she was fine! I don’t suppose there’s any chance you can do a part time role for a short while? I know, like me, you are the primary earner which makes this much harder and more stressful…don’t know what to say really except you’ll get through it, it will be ok. SHE will be ok!
Awwwwwwww sweetie, the first days (ok weeks
) are kinda rough on moms, but you will get through just fine. And don’t worry about the ZiZi posts…can’t get enough of them! You always write about what’s important and ZiZi is it! Nothing wrong with that.
Oh and a confession: I still have the daycare logs (food,poop,etc) from my 10yr old. I cherish them still.
xoxoxo
It does get easier – at least – that’s what I’m told (still waiting). Ok – I’m exaggerating a bit. And don’t be afraid to call – it doesn’t mean you don’t trust them and it doesn’t mean you are a bad Mom – it just means you love and miss her and want to hear about her day.
Hugs!
Like you’ve heard, it IS hard, but it does get easier, I promise. The first week I took my son I called twice a day. Not because I didn’t trust them, but because it was comforting just to know what he was doing – napping, eating, playing, etc. It made me feel better.
I also wanted to thank you for the recommendation of the itzbeen. I love that thing! I have a 5 week old daughter and I can’t believe I ever lived without it with my first baby. It’s been (ha!) a godsend. thanks!
I’m glad you’ve found the Itzbeen helpful. I love it (when I’m not losing it somewhere in the house). I need some sort of sonar device to find where I left it last.
Keep writing about Zara! It’s adorable (don’t kill me for that).
Bless your heart, you’ve got me all teary eyed now. I pray it gets easier very soon for you
It is hard, Liana. It gets easier just like everyone else has said.
I called at least twice the first few days S was in daycare. They encouraged me to call, which was nice.
Write about Zara all you want. She is in the forefront of your mind all the time and is the most important thing to you.
Hey, I was watching “Rebecca” the other night too!
Awww, sorry to hear about your first day back. It is definitely a milestone….Hoping it got easier as the week went on…Take care,
And keep up the Zara posts! It gives us prospective adoptive parents such hope.
I meant to visit sooner…was thinking about you and the transition back to work. Sounds like you made it over the worst of the separation anxiety and your Zara is in good hands.