Exploring Her World
s it just me, or is there something off here? I’d like your thoughts on my little tale.
The story begins with a little girl at Zizi’s daycare center. This cute youngster is in the toddler room and looks to be between 18 months and 2 years old. I’ll call her Heidi.
Most days I see Heidi as I pass the toddler play area on my way to Zizi’s room. She always walks over to me, touches my leg, and says, “hi.” As she doesn’t do this to everyone who passes by, I’ve assumed that because we share the same skin color, she kinda gravitates to me. Or maybe it has nothing to do with it. But I always notice her because there aren’t a huge number of black kids in the center. And she is such a little doll.
So one day I’m walking out with Zizi and I see Heidi reaching into the large trash bin outside the center. I didn’t notice any parents around at first, so I told her, “Heidi. Come out of the trash can. We don’t touch the trash. It’s dirty. Yuck!” She looked back at me and smiled.
Then her mother stepped forward. I was a little startled because while I expected to see a sista, Heidi’s mom is white. I assumed then that Heidi was adopted because her coloring was not that of the usual biracial child, but who knows. Not that it matters.
Anyway, her mother smiles at me and says, “It’s OK. Heidi’s just exploring her world.”
And I think to myself, “but does this exploration have to include the damn trash can?”
Now I know that blacks have a tendency to be a bit neurotic about germs. I grew up with crazy public bathroom rituals, and was taught that if you “get somebody’s germs, you’ll die.” So you can see why I didn’t want Heidi playing in a trash can. I then decided to check in with AdoringHusband about whether I was tripping by not wanting Heidi to explore her world in the trash can.
It wasn’t until after I recounted the story to him that I realized that blacks were not the only cultural group who were a little nutty about germs. My Jewish husband was also raised with a similar, if not more severe, fear of germs.
“Exploring her world?” he inquired, astounded by my tale. “There’s nothing in a damn trash can that needs to be explored by a child! The very fact that it is trash makes it not worthy of exploration! Our child will not be exploring her world in the damn trash can!”
I decided to check in with my adoption support group about this trash can exploration. Everyone there (all black save for AdoringHusband) were aghast at the image of this little child digging in a public trash can.
Now I don’t know for sure that this is totally a cultural difference in this white mother’s comfort at her daughter’s exploring a trash can or whether this was something unique to this mother in particular. I do know that when I went away to college, I noticed that the white students did behave a little differently when it came to sharing their germs. They would stick their hands into the salad bar and remove food and pop it into their mouths. (Ugh!) They would pick up the entire uncut loaf of bread with their bare hands, sniff it, then cut a piece for themselves and leave the rest. (I don’t know where their hands have been!) They sat directly on the toilet (!) and never used shower shoes in the grimy shower stalls. Clearly they were not told that if they get someone’s germs they would die.
Even now I see people breaking off half the doughnut and leaving the other half in the box…as if I’m going to eat the other half after some random person has touched it. I see no handwashing after a trip to the bathroom. And then there is the reaching into the trash can to retrieve something (and sometimes eating that something). And I still come to the conclusion that they were taught something much different than me about the danger of germs.
So let me as you, my friends, whether there really is no big deal about a toddler exploring her world in the trash can, or do you find it as repulsive as I do?
EWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!
Even if you take the whole “damn that’s nasty and so germy I want to hurl” aspect away, there could be broken glass in there! There could be used hypodermic needles, knives, SNAKES in there!
And bees….I HATE bees.
EWWWWWWWWWW!
You can ask my husband. (He gets a “Why germs are evil” lecture from his wife at least weekly.)
I’m a former OR nurse.
Garbage cans? I have to wash my hands everytime I have to put something in one, whether it involves touching the can or not.
That mother sounds a bit too “liberal” to me. Her child probably has a great immune system though.
I’m sure that I’m taking this the wrong way, but I’m getting the implication that WASPs are… *dirty.*
I guess you could say I grew up “poor white trash,” but my mother taught us hygiene, and if she ever saw me digging in the trash, she would freak. To be frank, I can’t say I ever noticed one race being more “clean” than any other, but I guess I wasn’t looking, either.
I don’t know that this is a racial thing. It’s not the first thing I would have thought of. Maybe the mother’s a wacky, crunchy granola type who wants her daughter to be some sort of free spirit. Maybe she’s just not hyper-sensitive to germs (which is definitely out of the norm for this anti-bacterial age). Or maybe she’s just a little grungy and, let’s face it, weird.
Whoa! I never said anything about WASPs being dirty! I said that in my experience there seem to be different sensibilities about germs than I was raised with. I’m not labeling any group to be clean or dirty.
The reason that culture/race came into the equation is because it is hard for me to fathom a sista allowing her child to explore the trash can, crunchy granola or not.
I’m not very germphobic at all, but I still wouldn’t let my boys play in a public trash can. Hell, I wouldn’t let them play in the trashcan in our own house.
Gross! No other word. In the AA community, no one digs in the trash at all. It’s about respect for ones self as well as the “dirty,nasty” factor. Bleck!
I must have missed the memo that went out about trash being an explorable part of any childs world. Gross!!!
I don’t think it’s a race thing, at all. I grew up in a very mixed environment and there was never any particular race that stood out to me as being more germaphobic than another. Butttt the more earthy people that I knew always seemed to be more of the “exploring her world” kind. It’s more of a belief system in that case. (not one that I believe, though)
Me, personally…I wash my hands a billion times a day and don’t let other people use my pens to keep from getting their germs. My husband…I know he rinses his hands at least a few times a day (gag). The only difference between us is I work in the medical field and he’s a mechanic. (I do think that he would thow up a big objection to any child “exploring” a trash can, though)
I stumbled across your blog awhile back and check in frequently to see if there are any new pictures of your beautiful little girl. Anyhoo . . . this post made me giggle and I just want to chime in that I am (1) caucasian and (2) completely germ phobic. I would probably call social services on myself if my son ever “played” in a trash can! That said, I do have a very good friend (who is white by the way) that probably would not be taken aback by this woman’s approach to parenting. This friend lives in San Francisco and thinks nothing of letting her child touch every pay phone he passes.
Hee — this reminds me of an incident shortly after we moved into our house — my son was about 3 at the time and the weather was nice and I forget how it come about, but when my (AA) neighbor walked out onto her porch, he was sitting & playing in the mud in his diaper. The look of shock and horror on her face was pretty impressive!
While I don’t think I’ll be encouraging that or dumpster-diving with the twins next spring, I should probably admit that it has more to do with not wanting to clean them up then with a fear of germs. For one, we have a billion pets, so my comfort level with hair and mud tracked about is higher then for someone who has no animals in the house. But I think also I had a teacher in high school who went on about how exposure to germs makes one stronger — combine that with the discovery that all the anti-bacterial products are making the abx stronger — it’s all worked together to make me not fret germs much.
Plus I may be reacting to my mother-in-law, who’s so clean that she got very upset when her car mats got dirty. And here we were thinking that the WHOLE purpose of car mats was to protect the car from getting dirty.
Hey– what’s your take on toddlers playing in leaves? I let mine do it last year, but did wonder about mold . . .
Lastly, a pet peeve of mine: it drives me NUTS when people who don’t sit on toilet seats inadvertently splash urine all over the seat and then don’t clean it up. So, people: I wholeheartedly support your desire to not sit on a dirty toilet seat, but please don’t leave it dirtier after you’ve completed your deposit. /end rant
I’m sorry to say that I probably would have given the same look, even though the logical part of my brain knows that the mud is no doubt harmless. Leaves I might be able to handle, but we will see when she gets older.
The funny thing is that I am not a clean freak in my own house. But those germs are only ours, not someone elses!
Go figure!
I’m a White momma and EW to playing in garbages!!!! I’d have said the same thing if I saw a child messing with trash. It’s not exploring when it can be dangerous. Did she at least have wipes or anti-bacterial stuff ready to clean her up after this?
And granted, I’m not a huge clean/germ freak like my almost ex-husband (who does happen to be AA), but I do have issues with other ppl’s germs. Overall, I do tend to be more…laid back about dirt and germs, but not enough to let my kid play in the trash or not wash his hands!
Oh, and I’ve noticed differences too in how the AA people I know and the White ppl I know are different about germs and cleanliness. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s interesting to hear why you think this is. I often hear ‘germs aren’t going to kill him (my son), they’ll make his immune system stronger’. Right.
Lisa, OMG blech @ touching pay phones! *gagging*
Now see, I’ve never heard a black person say that! And I know that there is too much MRSA out there to say that germs won’t kill someone!
Blech! I’m a nice white half-Jewish girl, and that grossed me out. Admittedly, I’ve got a somewhat…lackadaisical attitude toward cleanliness in some cases. I don’t wipe down every open surface with bleach, for instance. I don’t have a problem sharing certain things, like cell phones or door handles.
I do, however, draw the line over playing in the trash can. *shudder* Or not washing hands after the bathroom, or before eating meals…I can embarrass my husband without shame by whipping out the hand sanitizer when eating at a restaurant.
Trash can. Eeew.
I have never let our kids explore the trash, however Lincoln had a fascination with the trash when he started walking and we had to put the trash can on a chair. One time he got a piece of raw chicken wrap and had salmonella but a very light case, I freaked but the doctor was like…it happens all the time, and I’m like well not in my house it doesn’t!
I grew up always squatting or hovering over the toilet, and if for some reason I couldn’t I had to put down multiple layers of toilet seat covers and then toilet paper just to be safe. I wasn’t allowed to drink my mom’s soda because she didn’t know if I had drank anybodies elses’ drink.
There is one stipulation to my childhood, I did dig through the garbage and dumpsters but only at the post office. I grew up in a highly political family, mainly my Mom, and when election time came around, we needed to find out what the Democrats where mailing out, so we would go to the post office and find the mailers that people were throwing away. When I say I grew up in a Republican household, I mean it. My Mom has been to every National Republican Convention since 1984 except for the 2000 because that is when I got married. It was a way of life for me, it is second nature to not only talk about politics but to ask other people how they felt about the issue….growing up most of my friends would just stare at me, having know clue as to what I am talking about.
So, I should say that I grew up the same way about germs, I wasn’t allowed to wear or share my friends clothes, especially hats (you know lice is everywhere). I took a bath every night and a shower every day when I was older, no exception.
No! No! No!
What if there was a poopy diaper in the trash can?
What if there was a broken piece of glass? Or rusty can?
Oh no! no! no!
Hepatitis! Lockjaw!
I had to breathe, I have to breathe now and this isn’t my child…..
I have a heck of a time keeping my 14 month old out of the trash can in our house. I can’t imagine letting him explore a trash can somewhere else!
LOL.. priceless post teendoc. I am a double West Indian/AA upbringing,I have it real bad..thus I am a true germaphobe. I agree with the MRSA, when I got out of school C-Diff was the big supergerm. Such exploring can be done at the Childrens Museum, the exhibits not their trashcans.
Ewww!! I STILL have to tell my 8 year old not to touch EVERYTHING he passes, including trash can lids!
Yes, gross, I dont think at all related to race, letting ones kid play in the trash is just weird
Catherine
I’m white, I’m Jewish, but my parents were as laid back regarding dirt as any parents could be. And even so, if we went near a trash can my mother would freak. And as a mother – and just as an individual – I wash my hands constantly and make sure that Eddie stays as far away from trash and other locals with known germs (bathrooms, etc) as possible. I also carry wipes everywhere and clean his hands regularly – it’s not paranoia, it’s good hygene and keeps him from getting sick more often. He can play in dirt to a certain extent – there’s no way to avoid it anyway if he’s going to be outside at all – but playing in a trash can? That’s just downright negligent on the mother’s part.
This post made me smile. I am white and when I went off to college I was tipped off by my black roommate to the widely-held belief that “white people are not personally fastidious.” And, I would have to concede that I was not nearly as personally fastidious as my roommate. Still, my three year old is corrected when he gets too near the trash, never mind touches it! Gross!
This white Jewish girl is gagging on playing in a trash can.
While I wouldn’t freak out if Dylan tried to get into a trash can (that to me is exploring) I wouldn’t allow it to continue.
If her daughter was reaching up to a hot stove – would she allow it to continue under the guise of “exploring her surroundings”?
Ick! As a WASP who is a fastidious potty coverer, shower shoe wearer and handwasher, I also would FREAK if Ethan tried to play in a trashcan. It’s interesting, though.
YUCK!
“Exploring her world” that’s absurd. I hate indulgent parents who think they’re so great for not giving their kids limits. Kids need limits and trash should be off limits for the reasons you state.
Hi, I found you through another blog a while back and have checked back in periodically.
I am a white woman with 3 kids and I am disgusted that someone would think that it’s okay to reach into a garbage can on purpose. Who knows whats in there beside “innocent” garbage thats just gross. There could be something truely dangerous in there. I am a self proclaimed “germ freak” and have had several arguements with my MIL about what she CAN and CAN NOT let my kids do. My 5 year old knows the rules and tattles on Gramma if she tries to make her break the rules. In fact at Kindergarten teh other day my daughter accidently threw a cloth in the garbage(it was used to wipe the tables before and after snack time) instea of putting it on the counter. She told the teacher and she said “well you’ll have to reach in and get it” and my daughter politely said “I’m not allowed to reach into the garbage” I was so proud of her. Not for disobeying the teacher, but for following my rules. Its good to know when she isn’t with me and someone in authority is telling her to do something she still knows right from wrong!!
I am all for my child exploring her world. But as a parent you have to limit the size of their world according to thier age and what they are ready for. we don’t let children drive…they aren’t ready. So we have to teach them what is safe and okay before they understand it. If we don’t teach boundaries they’ll never learn. To be honest…that “exploring her world” sounds like a cope out on good parenting…
I don’t think its a racial thing at all. I think its how you were raised. My mom was a NICU nurse and knew germs were out there. My husbands mother was a teen parent and one of 8 daughters so her mom probably didn’t have time to think about teaching common sense. I’ve seen black people doing things that make me cringe, jewish people that make my mind boggle at their stupidity and white people that make me gag. Sadly disgusting people exist in all races.
It is probably more to do with how you were raised than a “cultural” thing, but overalll, I’d generalize that Black people tend to be less laid back when it comes to the behavior of small children. I think we(AA community) tend to be more uptight in many areas.
My mum taught her daughters to hover over toilet seats or at least wrap them up in toilet paper. I’m not too crazy about dirt and germs, so playing in a garbage can is pretty nasty to me and I would likely pull any child I see away from one. But let’s face it, a daycare is often loaded with germs and viruses so her chances of getting ill would most likely come from a toy and not the garbage. I have a dog so I’m not too uptight, but you know I’m well stocked with lint sheet rollers and vacuum and sweep every day. A friend of ours once put his new baby in the path of my dog’s tongue because as his biology background taught him, children who don’t avoid household germs have better immune systems. My West Indian mum would have been horrified.
Oh my goodness!! What is that mother thinking!! Yes normal develop is playing with containers kids love to play with pots. But a garbage can!!! I am not a germ freak and this grosses me out. Garbage just grosses me out. And should gross that mother out. What if she had gotten hold a some kids poopie diaper. She would be spreading ecoli all around.This mother needs some training in what is appropriate
I am total freak about garbage because once (and I can’t believe I am admitting this) but I threw my filofax out by accident and had to go into the garbage of my building to get it. yes it was on the top but still gross.
Tee