Comments on: Comparative Pain?

By: Jen

Jen — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 02:59:01 +0000

I never understand why people think they can tell other people how pain should feel. Pain is subjective and never the same for anyone. Thank you for writing this.

By: teendoc

teendoc — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 18:28:58 +0000

Kathy: thank you for your visit and for your thoughts on my post. It helps to know that it resonates for people.

By: Kathy V

Kathy V — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 17:14:22 +0000

I came via the creme. I think this was an excellent post. I think that you are right, people struggle with pain all the time. My pain isn’t greater or worse or more severe than somebody else’s, just different. We all have different experiences that shape our lives and we all have different reactions to the same experiences. That is what makes us unique people. Even if you and I both suffered miscarriages or singlehood, our experiences during those times is different, therefore we are different, not more pained or less pained. Just different. There are people that got married young and after 30 some years get divorced. that person has pain. There are people that lose parents at a young age. Those people have pain. There are people that lose a spouse and live for another 20 years. THose people hurt too. Is any of their pain less or worse than my pain of being an infertile? Not to that person! In that case pain and suffering are pain and suffering. It is just a matter of being pain for each person and knowing that the same pain could be different for everybody. Also pain is subjective so how do can anybody say that one kind of pain hurts so much more than another person’s pain. Your pain is very valid just as much as any other person’s pain is valid. Thanks so much for posting this comment. It reminds me that while I struggle, other people sturggle too even if it is a different kind of pain.

By: teendoc

teendoc — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 18:33:01 +0000

Thanks so much!

By: nishkanu

nishkanu — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 21:35:41 +0000

Thank you for this post, I have thought about it a lot in the weeks since reading it. You are absolutely right and explain it so clearly.

By: teendoc

teendoc — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:40:09 +0000

Thanks for your comment, Star!

By: teendoc

teendoc — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:38:10 +0000

I feel you, Lorrie!

By: teendoc

teendoc — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:35:37 +0000

The funny thing is that when I was in my 20s, I had plans to have a baby by some means if I wasn’t married by 30. Then when 30 came and went, somehow the idea of being a single parent wasn’t as appealing. (And by that time I was working with an adolescent population where single parenthood was the norm and I didn’t want to model that for them) By the time I was 37, I had decided not to be a parent at all. But then when I met my husband, that idea changed as well.

I know that my lack of partnering didn’t have something I could hang my hat on like weight, height or other modifiable feature. That’s what made it maddening! What I tell myself now is that I went through all that dating hell in order to eventually meet and marry my dear loony husband!

By: teendoc

teendoc — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:29:28 +0000

I’m not sure whether my experiences as a black infertile are generalizable, but I hope they are helpful.

By: teendoc

teendoc — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 20:27:39 +0000

I guess the problem I have is that at least when I mentioned the parallel to the blogger, I was not trying to tell her to shut up and stop complaining. I was attempting to make the point that there are some very sensitive areas that each of us may have, but that others are not aware of. Sometimes we each have to understand that we cannot just expect others to get and know what we are feeling when we are sensitive in a certain area. And her response was to blow off my experience and say that being single was not nearly as bad as being infertile.

I have a major problem with that type of comparison of pain.