Comments on: Tell Me About Yourself

By: starfish

starfish — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:06:37 +0000

I loved this post! I feel the same way about automatically identifying myself as a “mom” as if it’s the only thing I am. However, I think I’m less likely to do that because I am a FT working mom (dad stays home) and I’m a relatively new mom. I find that the women who do that have been home for a long time and don’t have anything else to identify with. Many women are okay with that (those I suspect many of them say they are, and aren’t), and have lived their lives with the end goal of putting everything into motherhood. I’m like you – there’s so many other things about me, and most ultimately make me a better mom.

starfish’s last blog post..There’s been knitting…

By: Definitions | this woman's work

Definitions | this woman's work — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 02:45:16 +0000

[...] late to the party but Liana had a really interesting post about how we think of ourselves. I’m gonna quote her some here: [...]

By: Jean

Jean — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 21:19:14 +0000

Liana, as always your blog opens up interesting lines of thought. I can’t remember ever saying, “I’m a mom” to define myself. Forget the giggle. I HAVE said, “I’m a suburban housewife” with a smirk, but only to people that I have known for YEARS, particularly from NY, that I happen to run into. That’s because the idea of me being a suburban housewife is very funny to people that knew me in my single days in Manhattan.

We are the sum total of our lives and experiences. I cannot imagine a man saying, “I’m a dad” when asked what he does, unless he is a fully committed SAHD. I love being a wife and mother, I’m committed to keeping our family happy and healthy, but my brain didn’t shrivel up when I had kids.

I’ve never thought of my own mother as a “mom”. She was a docent at the Met, a fierce tennis player, a costume designer for our school plays, a health food addict (bleah, this was in the 60’s and 70’s), a moralist, a co-conspirator, a shopping and traveling companion. She’s still the person I turn to first when I’m sad or confused.

I wonder how she defined herself when we were little. I need to ask. But back then, nearly all the women she knew were wives and mothers from their early 20’s on. Maybe it was unnecessary to define oneself?

I can only hope that my children will someday define me by all that I do–I design jewelry, I sew, I decorate, I read, I garden, I climb trees, I can do math in my head very quickly and know very, very, very many words DS and I go on Freerice.com every night and he is quite impressed. LOL.

By: Sylvie

Sylvie — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 16:15:13 +0000

See Lianna you always make me think! I thought egalitarian had something to do with being equal, but I had to go look it up to be sure!

Louise I love your description.

By: Louise

Louise — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 04:07:56 +0000

Fascinating topic, and I love the comments from your readers. I don’t think that I have had to introduce myself to anyone lately! Need to get out more!!

Before I took my leave of absence, my reply would probably have been, “I’m a public affairs manager.” Boring! Argh! But there is so much more to me than my day job

Right now, I am a wannabe domestic goddess with dustbunnies peeking out from her kitchen table. And yes, a wife and mom, at last. And, a follower of Jesus Christ. And I am addicted to bubble-baths.

After reading the column, I am tempted to see my husband’s reaction if I were to answer “I’m a wife.” LOL! Being a guy, he probably would enjoy it! Ha haa.

By: teendoc

teendoc — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 21:27:46 +0000

Sylvie: thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, twice! I do understand what you mean about how the use of certain descriptors cause others to make assumptions about your beliefs. For you it is using the word “Christian” and for me it is when I call myself a feminist. Feminism implies hating everything with a penis, among other misattributions. In order to avoid these assumptions, I would call myself an egalitarian feminist. It helped, but only for those who understood the word “egalitarian.”

Yet it is hard to avoid the knee-jerk response that comes when someone calls him/herself “Christian.” I think people respond better to “spiritual,” though that may not be focused enough to convey what you really mean. Should you care how people take what you say? Yes and no. People who matter: yes. Others: no.

This is a tough one, but I do agree with you. You should be able to define yourself in any way you see fit.

By: teendoc

teendoc — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 21:19:12 +0000

I thought this post might resonate with you, Pamela. (And don’t worry about calling me Lianne! I answer to just about everything.) The way I look at it has to do with my belief that if I define myself solely based on those relationships, then if one takes away the relationships, I become nothing. I have to be something in the first place in order to create and develop relationships: wife/mother/friend. I have to have a sense of self to share with others. This is why I am more likely to answer the “tell me about yourself” query with self-concept/self-assessment replies than with describing my roles.

By: Sylvie

Sylvie — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 18:36:31 +0000

Ok I’m back. I read the other comments (I like to answer without reading other comments so not to be influenced).
You alway make me think Lianna! Thanks! I ran out to get some lunch and I am still thinking about this post, and who I am. I like that you pointed out describing ourselves outside of jobs, and relationship roles. I agree with parts of all the comments. I guess what really defines me is being a Christian. Because it inlfuences every part of who I am, how I live my life and most of the decisions I make. Well all of them. Now dont get me wrong I am not preachy with my faith, but as a follower of Christ I consult the bible and pray about my decisions and I TRY to do things as Jesus would. But see it is not really politcally correct to add that in the 30 second speil, because people assume all kinds of things (like why do people think you are a republican because you are “born again!”) and you have to spend 2 minutes of your 30 second speil clarifying what being a Christian means to you. I said that to say we should be able to define ourselves how we see ourselves and I think that is what has got me stumped on how to come up with the 30 second networking speech. I’m too worried about how people will take what I say. Should I care?

By: Sylvie

Sylvie — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:46:43 +0000

Interesting… I have been working on this whole who is Sylvia question for months. I would like to have a quick interesting answer like you have but I dont. Even after months of job interviews where you have to describe yourself briefly I find myself stuck! Oh no, do I not know who I am!???
But really, I think I find myself saying mother first, I don’t know why. I don’t think being a mother defines me, but for some people it does define them and I don’t think anything is wrong with that. It doesn’t define me as a person, BUT I think it is my most important job to help shape this little person into who he will become, to aid him in being a good person, to protect him from the world. You know all that good stuff. I don’t think I would lead with I’m a mom at a cocktail party or in a business setting though.

By: Pamela Jeanne

Pamela Jeanne — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:37:03 +0000

Ah! I just realized that I wrote Lianne instead of Liana. I have a friend Lianne and it’s stuck in my head. Feel free to call me Paula.