What Am I Missing Here?
My boss is such a sweetie. Whenever we’re in meetings and someone makes a statement that is so confused, addle-headed, or just plain out there, instead of responding with a “what the hell are you talking about?!” he does the nice thing and takes the onus on himself for the lack of understanding and asks, “what am I missing here?” It’s such a considerate act that keeps the other person from getting pissy and defensive. And for this post, I plan to steal his technique.
I am the first one to admit that like my fellow Ivy Leaguers Barack and Michelle, some have accused me of being elitist. Yes I have a penchant for subject-verb agreement, I shop at Target and not Walmart, and would commit hari-kari if my daughter told me that she wanted to dance on a pole rather than go to college. If that is the definition of elitism, well I guess I am guilty.
I put this out there because in my prethinking of how this post might be received, my concern was that it might be seen as elitist. Yet I happily own my elitism when it rears its ugly head. However, in this situation, I’m not sure this is about elitism. Something else is jangling with me that I don’t think can be simply written off as my being part of the club that refuses to drink White Zinfandel. There’s something else amiss. Let’s get to it.
Last week I received the FAO Schwarz holiday catalog. As a good consumer with a young ‘un, I decided to flip through their offerings to see if there was anything special that had Zara’s name on it. Of course, the first item that caught my eye was this wooden doctor’s office playset:
Yes, she’s not old enough for this and with the current state of medicine it is really really really not a good idea for her to go into medicine, but I thought it was cute…and wasn’t made of bright plastic.
I also saw some other interesting career/activity playsets.
Here’s the workbench playset:
(It’s listed for boys, but we don’t follow no stinkin’ gender rules!)
The ice cream cart:
A grocery cart:
The grilling set:
And then I came to the item that has continued to puzzle me. It puzzles me for these reasons:
- It is in the (high end) FAO Schwarz catalog
- It costs $150
- I cannot imagine any desire to buy this item for a child
I’ll say no more. I’ll just show you. Here is the $150 wooden housekeeping cart playset:
Please note that this isn’t the let’s clean the house type of housecleaning playset. This is a replica of the carts that housekeeping services use to clean hotels and buildings. I’m not trying to say that housekeeping isn’t a perfectly reasonable job, but is it a job for “let’s pretend?”
Maybe I’m particularly sensitive to this because just two generations ago my grandmother was on her knees cleaning people’s houses so that my mother and aunt could get their educations and advanced degrees. My grandparents came to the US from the West Indies, struggled and scraped by so that we, their descendants, could get ahead. They wanted us to work with our minds and not on our knees.
So I’m looking at this housekeeping playset and I’m asking myself, what am I missing here? Help me out. (Boss also says this as well.)
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Um. What can I say? My dotter would just absolutely die to have that. Really. She would drool all over herself. Then she would dress up as a princess and roll it around the house, spraying water at everything in sight and mopping things messily and generally making things more dirty than they were before.
I think the thing to think here is not “I am putting this forward as a career option for my child” but “Would my child like playing with this?” (whether I want her/him to or not…).
Thanks for your comments. I suppose you are right, OmegaMom, but it’s still jangling with me. I’m sure some kids would like to play with the junior prison guard playset (also a reasonable job), but I can’t say that I would feel good about that either.
I wonder if by using only the “would my child like playing with this” assessment we are also giving tacit messages of approval and encouragement by purchasing these toys.
Interesting thoughts…
I know a little boy who will be 2 in December, and his favorite things to play with on earth are brooms, swiffers, mops, etc. He loves them, carries them around the house and cried when he’s parted from them for things like eating and sleeping. He would love this. Not that I would spend $150 on something that would create that much CLUTTER (which is generally my main complaint about children’s toys) but I do see where they’re coming from. I also used to know a little boy named Tim who was obsessed with vacuum cleaners. Kids are weird. Heh.
See, I’ve got no issue with the cleaning items individually as such or if they had created a kind of home cleaning appliance cart. I guess the idea of pretending to be housekeeping is jangling for me.
I think you are reading too much into it. Dylan has a broom and a mop and other cleaning type toys. They are scattered all over. How nice to have them nicely arranged in one place (like his shopping cart).
I get where you are coming from and I understand what you are saying but I just think you are reading too much into it.
Oh and $150 for any kind of gift for a child under say 13 is crazy IMO (unless said toy babysits).
Maybe I am…maybe it’s the sensitivity that comes from being a POC who generally was expected to be behind that cart.
Do you know that some intern asked my mother back in the day if she had a relative who he could hire to clean his apartment? When she asked why he was asking her in particular, he stammered something about how he thought she would know someone…Eventually she took her foot out of his ass.
But even AdoringHusband was pretty put out at the idea of buying Zara a housekeeping cart, regardless of how much she might love a vacuum or mop, so I don’t know that it is just a POC issue either.
Who knows what bug is up my ass?
Yea, I wouldn’t go for my kids playing with that either.
I saw this same set at Tuesday Morning, albeit the item was much less expensive; however, I wondered the same. What is the purpose of this toy? What values are we teaching our young when we purchase such an item for play? What expetations are we establishing?
Hey Wrae! I didn’t know you read the ol’ blog. Thanks for commenting.
And I agree. Just like I worry about all the “princess” themes and the “guns/weapons” themes of my kid’s toys, I also think about the message/themes of buying them a housekeeping cart. It just jangles for me.
Hello Liana,
Every so often I look at your blog to see how your beautiful daughter is growing and changing. She looks like a sweet one. I am very happy that you and Mason were able to become parents and were blessed with a joyful child.
Liana, thanks for calling my attention to this. I’m with you — there’s no way in heck I’d buy that for either of my kids whatever the price tag. But I’d particularly not buy it for my daughter both due to the sexist/racist implications of such a gift.
It’s one thing to buy my kid(s) a vacuum cleaner or mop just like the one the big people in the house use (because my kids help with chores) but the cart that looks like a hotel housekeeper’s? No. While I believe there’s dignity in any honest work, I want my kids to aim for their dreams and no one dreams of institutional housekeeping. But especially for my daughter who needs an especially strong spirit and sense of self to face the onslaught of “keep your dreams small” messages, we’ll stick with the doctor’s playset.
(Liana, I think you ought to submit this post to anti-racist parent. Let me know if you need/want the contact — I can’t remember if it’s on the site or not. I’d love to see the reaction there, too.)
I saw something similar in another catalog and found it odd too. I can’t give a specific reason and the more I think about it the more I think I’m thinking too much. After thinking even more though, I think whats weird is that, how often are children generally exposed to a housekeeping cart in their day to day life? Surely some, but not as many as see doctors or go grocery shopping. My kids love brooms, mops, etc., but I don’t know that they would know what the whole cart was for.
Liana I waited till I got home to think a bit about this before I responded and I have to agree with you. I see no real reason for this “toy”. I am basing this on thinking that if person bought the doctor’s office kit as a goal of maybe inspiring their child to be a doctor and the child “fell” short and became a physicians assistant, nurse or nursing aide, that still would be a very admirable profession. A grill kit might inspire the next Bobby Flay or Paula Deen but the child may end up as the next short cook at Al’s Diner. But for the life of me if the maid cart is the high end…what in the world is the low end? And I showed this to some people that have young daughters in the age range of 2-5 and they both asked me if this was a joke? Being a maid is an honorable job but it is really something that parent would want their children to aspire to be?
What you’re really asking is whether being a housekeeper is something for a child to aspire to. I really don’t know if a 3 year old would realize how much housekeepers make or how hard their job really is or where it rates on the social scale. They just make think it’s fun to run around and clean things – which I think is perfectly wonderful for both girls and boys to learn or play act. Maybe they’ll learn that service workers are regular human beings with families just like the guy who works behind the ice cream cart. Maybe they’ll just think it’s fun to be clean and tidy. I don’t know. I don’t see any black or Latino kids attached to so I don’t see it as a racist or political statement. I doubt it will capture their interest for long term career goals. Next year, a kid might think it’s fun to dig holes and find worms. I am confident that will you or any mother would instill an ambition for great things in their child.
The housekeeping cart is sort of an odd twist on the whole play housekeeping theme. But maybe it comes with the cart because there are so many damn pieces to the set (like every toy these days) and because small kids are pretty crazy about pushing something around. At every playdate we’ve gone to the doll stroller and shopping cart cause the most fights. And some marketing genius figured they had to add a little something to make is seem like you were getting a bargain for $150.
I bought my daughter a smaller (cheaper) “let’s clean the house” play housekeeping kit and my husband said “what message are we sending here?” But crap, whenever I’m doing a household chore she wants to help and the regular sized broom frustrates her. She does however refuse to wear the “I love cleaning” apron – uh, what the hell is up with that? Incidentally, she does also have a doctor’s kit but that’s not as fun to torture the dog with as the play broom.
I’m with you on the elitist thing. The label of elitist seems to now be applied to anyone who is educated and successful. Which is incorrect and inappropriately applied to people like the Obamas (they are educated and successful but no way are they elitists). And what’s with the implication that education and success are somehow BAD things?
My son would love the cart. He follows me around the house asking if he can help me clean, so he cleans with me. Knowing him very well he would love everything except the freaking apron because he likes to mimic everything I do and everything his dad does.
But even saying this, I wouldn’t buy that for my child…I am confident that without that toy, he still has a chance of becoming a man who keeps his place clean and doesn’t depend on a woman to have a clean bathroom. He can easily learn how to take care of his home from watching his parents. Same way my my male cousin learned and keeps a clean home as a homeowner.
I see nothing elitist by not liking the toy. I wouldnt spend 150 on that toy because the other stuff is waay more fun. Id sooner buy my son a play kitchen than that or collect cardboard boxes and give him paint and crayons to decorate it. My son can play with a cardboard box for hours happy as a clam.
And shoot, even housekeepers wouldn’t want their child aspiring to have their job either!
What do you want to be when you grow up?
I want to be a Dentist
I want to be a Doctor
I want to be Firefighter
I want to be a Teacher
I want to be a Chef
I want to build houses
I want to take care of animals
I want to be a maid……
My grandmother would roll over in her grave. I don’t think so.
[...] Crossposted from Welcome to the Dollhouse [...]
Hi teendoc, I enjoyed reading your post on ARP. I already left my comment there, but after browsing through your lovely site, I thought I would post here as well.
Have you read Toni Cade Bambara’s 1972 short story, “The Lesson”? If not, you can find it here:
http://cai.ucdavis.edu/gender/thelesson.html
I think it speaks to some of the issues mentioned in your post. It is uncanny to see that almost four decades later, F.A.O. Schwarz still raises these unsettling questions…
[...] Until I read and deal with the forum. Let’s [...]Claudia on Dec 1, 2008, 10:16 pm in What Am I Missing Here?: Hi teendoc, I enjoyed reading your post on ARP. I already left my comment there, [...]What am I [...]