This Kidlet
really had to write about this evening with my kid. It was at the end of another frustrating day where I didn’t manage to get enough work done, I wasn’t able to secure help with getting our kitty down to the city for her daily radiation therapy treatment for her adenocarcinoma, I had forgotten to find out what type of vision insurance we had, and my dear AdoringHusband had come up with some name like, VisionPlus, that I know didn’t exist. Then I had the bright idea to take Zara with me to LensCrafters to pick out a new pair of frames because the ones I’m wearing are held together with something that looks slightly better than Scotch tape, en route to a trip to her favorite place, Friendly’s. It wasn’t the greatest idea but the way my schedule’s been working out, it was the best I could come up with.
When I got to the center to pick her up, she asked like she always does, “Where’s me going, Mommy?”
I replied, “Mommy has to go and pick out some glasses but if you’re good we’ll go to Friendly’s for dinner.”
This immediately set her running toward the door to her room to tell all her friends and teachers that she was going to Friendly’s. “I’m going to Friendly’s Miss Alyssa! I’m going to Friendly’s Taylor!” Her happy announcement continued down the hallways as we walked out of the building.
As we drove to the mall, however, I made sure to reinforce the rules of engagement. Ever the parent determined to maintain order and proper comportment, I made sure that the rules were reviewed while we were still in the car.
“Now you know, Zara, that you will only go to Friendly’s if you behave while Mommy’s getting her glasses. Do you understand?”
“Uh-huh,” she replied nodding.
“And what happens if you don’t behave?”
“I go in the Naughty Corner!” she replied emphatically.
“And you don’t go to Friendly’s,” I added.
She nodded seriously. “I want to go to Friendly’s.”
We went over this a few more times for good measure and then started singing Alouette before we got to the mall. When we arrived at LensCrafters, I gave her my phone to play her games with and asked her to sit in a chair while I picked some glasses. This lasted all of approximately 60 seconds. Then she began to regale me with I don’t want to sit in the chair and I don’t want to play with the phone. We then had a reminder conversation, “Remember how we talked about what would happen if you didn’t behave? Remember how I said if you didn’t behave we wouldn’t go to Friendly’s?
“Yeah…” she said looking longingly at the glasses she wanted to pick up and throw.
“Well if you’ve already decided you’re not going to behave, then I guess we should leave now and go home and not go to Friendly’s.”
“I really want to go to Friendly’s,” she said plaintively.
“Then sit in the chair and behave.”
Of course she then proceeded to walk over to the lower display of glasses, reach in, and hand me a pair of frames saying, “Here Mommy, for you.” So I had to up the ante.
“Oh so we are really having trouble behaving. I guess we need to go home now and not go to Friendly’s. Let me go put these glasses back so we can leave.” I turned to move toward the eyeglass case to put down the frame I picked out.
“No Mommy! I want to go to Friendly’s!”
“Well then sit down in the chair and play your game while Mommy looks for glasses.”
And to my absolute surprise she actually did go back to the chair. And she stayed in the chair. She played her new favorite game Peekaboo Wild, the successor to Peekaboo Barn. She played Itsy-Bitsy Spider and Old MacDonald. Periodically she would yell over to me saying, “Look at this mommy!” holding up the phone laughing at the little pig running away on the screen. Even when she heard the four car holiday train they had in the mall whistling as it passed nearby, she stayed in the chair and yelled over to me saying, “Mommy, it’s the choo-choo train! I want to see it!” But she stayed in the chair. For a two and a half year old that was pretty damn good.
Yet I was still frazzled as we left the store. Though she was great in the chair, she still got a bit grabby when she came and sat with me as I got all the details straight with the frame I ordered. And then of course we have the situation of not having any idea what our vision insurance plan is called, the name AdoringHusband made up not seeming to be listed on their roster. Even though I tried to take care of this and get it done, there was still more to do and I was not happy about. So by the time I walked out the door of the store, my brain was just saying let’s get out of here. Unfortunately my child was saying, “Mommy lets go see the train! I want to see the choo-choo!”
“Zara we’re going to Friendly’s. We’re not going to see the choo-choo.”
“But I really want to see the choo-choo!” She began to whine.
“Well you have to decide. Either we go to see the choo-choo and no Friendly’s or no choo-choo and we go to Friendly’s. What do you want? Do you want to see the choo-choo or do you want to go to Friendly’s?”
“I want to see the choo-choo!” she said happily.
“Now you know this means that if you see the choo-choo we’re not going to Friendly’s?” I asked.
“No Friendly’s,” she responded, nodding her head.
“You really would rather just see the choo-choo instead of going to Friendly’s, because we’re not riding the choo-choo tonight? I think you want to go to Friendly’s more than riding the choo-choo.”
“No I want the choo-choo! No Friendly’s!”
“Are you sure?”
“Uh-huh,” she said nodding.
“Looking at the choo-choo instead of going to Friendly’s?”
“Yeah, I look with my eyes.”
“Zara I think that’s silly but if you want to look at the choo-choo and go home and eat dinner and not have ice cream, then that’s what we’ll do.”
“Yay!” She said happily. And we set off to see the choo-choo with her eyes. Sixty seconds later upon seeing the choo-choo sitting empty in front of the RadioShack, I said to her, “okay now that you’ve seen the choo-choo, we can to go home and have dinner.”
“But I want to go to Friendly’s! I have to!” she said pitifully.
And this is where I went off the rails. “Wait a minute! I just asked you if you wanted to see the choo-choo or go to Friendly’s and you told me that you wanted to see the choo-choo and not go to Friendly’s. I asked you a bunch of times Zara and you kept saying that you wanted to see the choo-choo and not go to Friendly’s and now you’re saying that you want to go to Friendly’s?”
“Yeah, now I want to go to Friendly’s,” she said nodding.
“Well that’s not how it works young lady. You make a decision and you have to stick with the consequences of what you choose. You said you wanted to see the choo-choo and not go to Friendly’s so that’s what we’re going to do.”
Somewhere in the back of my psychotic, menopausal, truly confounded brain a little voice of sanity was saying, hello, she’s only 2 1/2 years old, get a grip! I looked down at the little face squinching up for the big cry that was about to begin and managed to regain enough sanity to say, “Well this time I’ll let you change your mind but you have to learn to stick with your decisions.” And again that sane part of my brain was saying, what the hell is wrong with you?
So we drove to Friendly’s with me still grumbly but Zara happier and happier that she managed to work herself out of whatever the problem she had managed to get herself into that she didn’t really understand because her mother is a whack job. Inside Friendly’s she sat next to me in the booth telling me which color balloon she wanted (blue of course… it seems to be her new thing). She colors on her placemat, tells me she’s hungry, eats her dinner without prompting, wheedling, or cajoling and proceeds to be the cutest two and a half-year-old on the planet. My stressed menopausal depressive grump fest seemed to be lightening a tad when she decided to do some wiggling and managed to slide out of her booster seat. A fast grab from geriatric mommy kept her from falling to the floor.
Immediately I reverted to Grumpestra Mommy, “Now see, Zara, I told you to sit still in your booster seat so that you wouldn’t fall. Look what happened!”
She settled herself back and got ready to tuck back into her ice cream sundae when she looked at me, smiled and said, “Thank you, Mommy, for protecting me from hurting myself when I fell.”
And the floor should have opened up right then and swallowed me whole as punishment for being a total and complete shit to the best kid in the world.
This is the most amazing and incredible little girl. I am so not worthy of her. But her love and faith in me makes me keep trying to do better.
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What a great story!! So sweet! Glad Zara got her Friendly’s!
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You’re being way too hard on yourself. Every now and again, a mom has a bad day, where your nerves are just frayed and your halo slips. You don’t have to be perfect. Zara survived it quite nicely and made out with ice cream and a way to melt your heart at the same time. By the way, I’m glad to hear the naughty corner works! Frankly, when I was a kid, my options were do as I say or you get a slap. I like your way better!
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Every now and again, a mom has a bad day, where your nerves are just frayed and your halo slips. You don’t have to be perfect.
But being hard on myself is my best hobby!
Seriously, though, I guess I feel as though my halo has been slipping a good bit as I’ve been adjusting hormonally to menopause or having a worsening of my mood symptoms or whatever the heck it is. I want to feel a little less frazzled and reactive in general, yet that has proven to be a difficult task. But I’m pushing through.
By the way, I’m glad to hear the naughty corner works! Frankly, when I was a kid, my options were do as I say or you get a slap. I like your way better!
We might have been raised by the same parents! But hubby and I wanted to break that script without going all laissez-faire. That 1-2-3 Magic approach works pretty well. Not perfectly, though nothing is, but at least the naughty corner has a built in plan to deal with escalation if she has one of her off the chain days. The slap or “smack you” approach does not really deal with escalation very well.
That is a great story. Seriously a great story. She’s such a good little girl and you know what? I’ve done the SAME THING.
At 2 they just don’t get cause and effect and man it’s draining sometimes. I can’t believe she was so good while you got glasses. She reminds me of Ben. Alex would have been eating the glasses.
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Thank you. I still feel craptastic though. Afraid I am slipping up and becoming my Evil Mother.
Oooh, Alex, eating the glasses would not have been good.
What Deathstar just said. No mum can be sweetness and light all the time, and it sounded like you were stretched to your limit that day. Take a deep breath and think about all the times you’ve been an incredibly patient, loving mother to Z.
You’re both going to have rotten days and good days. I’m happy for you both that it turned out to be a good day after all.
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Guess I’ve been feeling like I’ve been more stressed than patient for the majority of the past year. Maybe I’m just looking at myself through a negative filter, but I get so worried about being crappy mom. But she is the bestest ever.
Glad you wrote about it because I often feel cranky and ungrateful yet the kidlet is so wonderful.
For example, she has always been a crappy sleeper. Tonight our battle included one visit when I changed her PJs to a lighter set because I thought she might be too hot- she said, “The baby is happy.” I said, “Why?” She said, “Because she loves you and you take care of her.” Twenty minutes later after continued fussing and on another visit I said, “Fine! I’ll sit in your room for 1 minute and then I’m leaving.” She started to squawk I said, “WHAT is the problem. I’m right here. Go to sleep!”
sigh. not one of my finer moments. it’s not easy is it? when it’s all said and done, i just hope the total good moments outnumber and outweigh the not so good. all we can do is try.