Lines That Shouldn’t Be Crossed
I opted to write the lighthearted post that I did yesterday because I wasn’t able at the time to write the real post that I needed to get out. I was a bit too busy feeling both disgusted and heartsick. This time it was me who needed to be distracted.
The fact of the matter is that I’m 46 years old. No one would ever call me naïve or innocent. But I am still capable of being stunned by the displays of heartlessness we can express or show to each other as human beings. Actually no, that’s not completely accurate. The day-to-day expressions and demonstrations of hate, prejudice and me-ism that are increasingly common in our society are unpleasant but manageable, like disgusting odors that assault your nose without warning. You screw up your face, shake your head in disgust, but within a short time, your smell receptors accommodate and the stench becomes bearable. This accommodation allows you to move on with your day.
As you age and lose the idealism of your youth, you understand the basic egocentrism that drives so much of our populace. It becomes clear that many, many people believe that the universe does end at the tips of their noses. Yet even when the ego-cocoon is extended a bit further, there is still the divide of us versus them, we-the-good versus all the others. Human nature would have us divide, compete, judge, scorn, feel covetous of, and hate our fellows, rather than uniting for the betterment of all. Yes, I am 46. I do understand it. I don’t like it, but I recognize the veracity of the words.
Even still, I must retain a portion of my naïve or idealistic soul that makes me believe that there is a basic humanity in all of us that can and will come out during extreme circumstances. So much of the response we’ve seen to the Haitian tragedy validates this belief for me. However, when I see some continuing their me-first, narcissistic responses in the face of a tragedy of a magnitude so horrific, I still am able to be stunned to my core. I would think that this type of major disaster could even make Narcissus have some sympathy for the plight of others. I suppose that I am wrong…
Last night as I lay on the floor of my daughter’s room in the dark, hoping only to play a simple game or two of Bejeweled until she fell asleep (since we started using thumbsucking gloves, she’s needed us to be with her until she is asleep), I happened to come upon a Facebook notice that Pop Cap Games, the makers of Bejeweled, was planning to donate 100% of its sales on Saturday (today) to humanitarian efforts in Haiti. I saw that there were about 1500 likes for this announcement and about 190 comments. Instead of just going on to my game of Bejeweled like I should have, I decided to read the comments associated with this announcement. And that’s where the trouble started.
Thankfully the vast majority of the comments were supportive of this action. But right from the beginning of the comment thread were people whose comments essentially said, fuck them, what about me/us? Don’t help them! Help our own people. Why should we help those foreigners? Earthquake? So what? More and more xenophobic Americans chose to spout untruths such as how we always help everyone else in the world but no one helps us. And that after Katrina there was no humanitarian effort for us (hello, we are a rich and powerful First World nation not a Third World island where the majority of people are existing on $2 per day! Moreover, if one of these bozos had even bothered to do his or her homework then he or she would have discovered that 90 countries did offer humanitarian aid to us after Katrina). One true mental midget even went so far as to say that these people (one of my favorite descriptors, you must know) are stupid for living on an island that has so many natural disasters. They should just move somewhere better! (Yes, it is so freaking easy to move somewhere better on $2/day and restrictions on immigration.)
As my two-year-olds’ tossing and turning stilled into a calm sleep, both my muscles and mind were taut and enraged. Who are these people who are so egocentric and full of hate that they need crow their self-serving xenophobia in this public comment thread? Oh I know about free speech and the First Amendment and all that. But there are lines that our morals and our ethics and our very humanity should not let us cross. You think these things. They aren’t human ideas, but they can stay in your head. You decide to go further and speak them to your friends and family. Again, either your inhumanity is shared with other equally inhuman people or you reveal how inhuman you actually are. Maybe you decide to post on your blog or on your Facebook page. I don’t agree with promulgating such hatred but I respect your right to display your inhumanity in your tiny piece of the world.
But here’s the part that goes too far. A company is announcing its humanitarian efforts toward a tragedy the scale of which we have not seen in the United States. And you feel that its comment thread is your personal cesspool in which to share your evil inhumanity and callous disregard for the loss of life that is occurring on that island? And remember, this is not an anonymous troll, or someone hiding behind a nym online. This is Facebook where the vast majority of those posting are posting under their own names and own backgrounds. How dare you? There are lines that those of us who are human beings should know better than to cross.
To my surprise, I found myself having thoughts of vengeance peppered with my rage. This was surprising because I am not a vengeful person. I do not look to revenge and retribution. These acts do not heal wounds, alleviate pain or even the scales. They only keep you stuck like an old album that keeps skipping over the same 5 seconds of the song. There is no place for it in my head…generally.
But lying there in the dark I wanted nothing more than vengeance. Not the classic ass-kicking for assholes kind of vengeance that would be most simple. No, no, no. That would be too facile. What I wanted was to shine the greatest light possible on these roaches…a light that would show everyone in their worlds what inhuman dreck they truly are. I wanted to contact Chris’s (the “fuck them” guy) employer, co-workers, family, clergyperson, grocery store clerks, pizza delivery guys…everyone he interacts with and show them his words. I want neither him nor them to ever forget he said such a thing about thousands of dead human beings. It will be his Scarlett Letter of sorts, but unlike Hester Prynne, his shame will be well deserved. I want these jackasses who sit behind their computer monitors typing unforgivable crap to be held accountable for their words! That is the vengeance I fantasized about, as Zara slept peacefully. Yet I knew that I would not and could not act in such a manner. I am no avenging agent, no nemesis to punish the inhuman, for wouldn’t that only chip away at my own humanity?
I do not know what is happening to us as a people when we can feel nothing, nothing at all, in the face of a tragedy of such enormity. I fear for what we have already lost and for what our children’s world will look like decades from now. Because if we do not even retain a shred of compassion and humaneness for each other as human beings, we are indeed lost as a human race. Chris and his ilk are showing me that there are even more roaches than I had ever imagined. These roaches are choosing, with no hesitation or shame, to cross lines that should never be crossed.
If you treasure your humanity, perhaps you will weep, rage, or feel something with me now.
Thank you for reading.
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I am not surprised to see the hate and negativity. If we are honest, Haiti was in a terrible state long before the earthquake. Does anyone even remember the food crises of 2008? People were eating mud sandwiches and food was rotting on the docks because no one could afford to eat. Even when you tell people the truth about how poor Haiti is and why they can still only come back with what about me. Even if you believe in the basic goodness of people, the truth of the matter is that the capitalist system in which we live does not promote any kind of community. We need to dismantle the system to fix the people and we need to fix the people to dismantle the system
Renee´s last blog ..Sunday Shame:True Dat Edition
We need to dismantle the system to fix the people and we need to fix the people to dismantle the system
Oh the tautology, Renee. How do we work around this?
I’d like to think that if we fix the people emotionally and spiritually (not speaking of religion, per se, but in finding wholeness and learning how to connect with others), we will be able to find fixes for the system.
It’s cases like these that makes me glad there are people who still care to counter the jerks who have their heads up their asses. :\ I’m glad I didn’t peek at some of the comments when various games I play on Facebook decided to donate to Haiti. I know I would have been filled with just as much rage as you were. It’s cases like these that really make me hope and wish that karma exists so that there is some cosmic justice down the line for those horrible people. I can hope but I can also do what I can to counter those people.
Hi Vic,
Thanks for your comment.
And you illustrate why I fantasize about there being some sort of accountability for these jerk about the words they spew. If there were more real world consequences for these morons they might either STFU or learn something before spouting off. Either one would be better than crossing these lines as they have.
And not to forget that, as has been much circulated on Twitter the last couple days, Haiti, the poorest country in the Caribbean, sent $40,000 in humanitarian aid to New Orleans after Katrina (and before the US government itself acknowledged that there was a crisis).
(On the whole–obnoxious individuals aside–most people are not more selfish than we would like to think we are. The difference between those who shock us with their insensitivity and those of us who are shocked is merely the size of the circle that contains “us”. At best that includes the whole human race [and maybe primates and dolphins and other higher animals], but everyone draws the line somewhere. Chris “fuck ‘em” is dangerously close to being outside my circle today, along with Robertson, Limbaugh and others.)
The difference between those who shock us with their insensitivity and those of us who are shocked is merely the size of the circle that contains “us”.
Djibril, you are absolutely correct about this. Yet what troubles me is that I am seeing more and more people for whom their circle ends at the tip of their nose. And that is something I just cannot fathom. (Or maybe I just refuse to accept.)
I know, and I know how much it hurts when someone’s circle fails so basically to overlap with ones own. I guess all I was saying is that I shouldn’t be surprised if Chris “fuck ‘em” is a very community-minded chap, incredibly kind to his family and generous with his neighbours. Some people would be shocked by that paradox. Chris probably isn’t a bad person. Nevertheless, as JJ points out above, it’s not our job to educate him. Making public statements like your blog does help, though–not that it affects him personally, but it helps people like me to realize that this is not an issue on which you can be neutral.
(As Ursula Le Guin once said, “I know I’m preaching to the choir, but that’s okay, that’s important too. If we stop preaching, the choir will stop singing.”)
Keep it up. Please don’t be demoralized. We value this sort of post.
I’m sorry you had to see this! Sadly, I’m not surprised it has happened. There are a lot of people unemployed and desperate in the US right now, and they are terrified of losing it all. And so they say stupid things….
That said, I’m not sure any of us can comprehend the total size of the disaster. We mourn the loss of a neighbour we barely know, but how do we mourn 200,000? How do you look at that and understand it?
I kind of pity those commenters. They really have no idea just how bad they look. (And if their privacy settings are really open, then their neighbours and bosses will see what they said.) So there’s that.
Aurelia´s last blog ..I wish I wish I wish
I am not surprised one bit and I hasten to guess that you do not spend too much time on the celebrity blogs on the rare occasion that they tackle a social issues, the amount of ignorance, racism and hat that is espoused there is short of amazing. Similarly with Huffpost which regularly posts real news and social messages. There are huge segments of the American population that grow with an indifference and ignorance to the rest of the world. In short, they believe America is the center of the universe, lack a complete world view and don’t care about being educated otherwise. Ignorance is bliss, they say eh?
Someone told me at least a decade ago that people who attend college and are plugged in and engaged to larger world issues are an elite minority. You forget and assume that your well-spoken and bred friends are the norm. I hate to sound elitist but if you watch an episode of Jay Leno’s Walk of Fame or just check out what folks are saying in the Twitterstream or on social celebrity boards you will immediately get a sense of how uninformed and clueless the bulk of your countrymen are.
I just shake my head and have stopped letting them raise my blood pressure, though sometimes, I can’t help it and I take a peek and end up losing my cool and going off on someone.
It’s best to just leave them be as I learned it’s not my responsibility to bring up these fools. I have enough on my plate. My motto in life is “don’t sweat the small stuff” and in this case it should be adjusted to “don’t sweat the small minded.”
JJ´s last blog ..What’s GG Up to? Wearing Natural Biodegradable Diapers
My heart has been aching for Haiti for a long time. I head the stories about the kids eating mud biscuits. We sent a small donation to a local charity at the time, but we never did anything else. I wish we could have helped more before the earthquake. Now I’m compelled to help in a real way. I don’t understand how people can look at human suffering and have no emotional connection. I saddens me that people are so cold-hearted.
Mocha Dad´s last blog ..Thoughts on Turning 40
As you said, the vast majority of the comments were appropriate. Interesting how the relative minority status of Chris Fuck’em didn’t seem to mitigate your rage. I think that speaks well of you. OTOH, there will always be jerks in this world. You used up a lot of ATP synthesizing the adrenaline that flowed through you that evening. Did you enjoy it more than you would have your game of Bejeweled? (I don’t play any fb games, so I don’t know about these things.) Life is short, and requires, IMHO, a delicate balancing of indignation and responding, “Fuck ‘em!” to the Chris Fuck’ems of the world, while carrying on with life.
#1 Dinosaur´s last blog ..I Didn’t Know You Could Get Them That Small
I spend a lot of time ignoring the small minded (or trying to because I work on a site where I regularly get called names and, well, other stuff) and every time someone has said something uncharitable about Haiti, I turn my cheek. If I don’t my head explodes. I simply cannot comprehend the ways that people can be ignorant and cruel and so I try not to.
It’s the way I stick my fingers in my ear and go LALALALALALA! Because I’d go down there in .48 seconds if I could and help them.
Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Go Ask Aunt Becky
I’m ashamed to say that someone I know posted that evil crap on his own facebook page (he has since been unfriended). It makes me ill.
The silver lining is that they exposed themselves to their family and friends by posting their hate under their real name.
Family and friends may not even know that is how they really feel until they log on and read their family/friend’s hateful comments online.
Haiti has had my heart for years, and God bless each person and organization who are donating money, and time to help Haiti.
Ugh. That kind of stuff makes me prickly on the neck! Why do people feel the need to criticize ANY humanitarian effort?
Our family had a few news stories recently since I had to leave our almost-adopted son there after the earthquake. Instead of commenting about the tragedy, or how heartbreaking that goodbye was, or the trauma of the earthquake, people were leaving comments about why we didn’t just adopt from the US. Um . . . hello?
(Shaking head)
Your post eloquently expresses what I have been feeling for some time. The ignorance and selfishness of so many people is horrifying to me. I’m not sure whether it is truly getting worse, or I am simply more aware of it as I get older. The internet enables these scum and gives them a forum that they may not otherwise have had.
The comments of Limbaugh and Robertson made me so angry I had trouble sleeping for a couple of nights. The fact that they have millions of followers sickens my heart.
Thank you for your heartfelt words.
Thanks for the tap on the shoulder. You make an excellent point. It’s not the simple act of one individual having an ugly or uncharitable idea, but rather the fact that so many people are willing (if not eager) to publicly spew their bile from the highest mountain top. And you never hear of anyone ever being fired, shunned, etc. for it. “Stupid, loud, greedy, and proud” seems to be an increasingly popular viewpoint. I’m sickened.
I would use selective focus. Ignore the wrong type of people.
Roughly one per cent of people who go to websites leave comments. The vast majority of those comments are sane, well-reasoned, rational and thoughtful. The minority are from trolls, people who are less than desirable for many reasons. The world is what ever you make of it. Just choose where to look.